


My True Start

by aethkr



Series: It's Hard to Let Go of Something so Promising [3]
Category: Love Live! School Idol Project, Love Live! Sunshine!!
Genre: F/F, I plan to add drama, Last MAIN work of the series, There is also romance and fluff, There is little angst yet that may change, This isnt a slowburn except for the first few chapters, diary format, whaddaya know
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-01
Updated: 2017-12-31
Packaged: 2019-02-09 03:17:27
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 31
Words: 14,107
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12879057
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aethkr/pseuds/aethkr
Summary: After breaking up with someone she thought she would be with forever, Ruby is slowly getting back up to her feet. She may stumble sometimes, feeling guilty over a loss she could've prevented. She may fall sometimes, remembering past mistakes that she should never have done.Though sometimes she may stand, rising above the odds. Going farther than what she could only thought could happen in her head. Flying to feats she could have never reached before.The pain may be there, but that doesn't take hope away.And what do you know, someone is with her along the way too."Though I think everything happens for a reason, even if you don't know why it did."





	1. Inspiration

**December 1, 2017**

Dear Diary,

                             It’s December! One of the best times of the year! It’s where gifts are given, and happiness is shared. Family comes together and enjoys Christmas together! There’s also snow! It might be cold, but don’t let the pain overwhelm the joy. Of course, Dia would advise me to be careful since she doesn’t want me to get hurt. She said snow can burn your hands, and that it can also hurt a lot. Eek! That’s scary! She gave me some gloves to protect my hands. I’m really grateful for my sister! She’s so caring!

                             Since it’s December, usually people think of gifts right? I’m deciding what kind of gift I should get Hanamaru and Riko. Not Yoshiko because it’s already a given she would want something dark or a ‘fallen angel’ theme. I wouldn’t know, I bet Hanamaru would be better off choosing a gift for her. Hmm….I wonder if she would want something else? It’s Christmas! It’s a light and fluffy holiday! I’ll ask her tomorrow. I’m too tired to call her right now.

                             Riko has a thing for pianos and the like doesn’t she? And also plums*? Chika said she loves them and carries at least one pack each day. According to Riko, it’s good for fatigue. Does she get tired easily? She could share some of those to Hanamaru since she has problems with her stamina doesn’t she? She eats too much…. I hope Yoshiko could handle that. Though, subjectively, I think Hanamaru’s chubby tummy is a nice feature to have. Eek! Don’t tell her I said that! She would probably get pissed at me!

                             Ever since the rumor of Yō liking me has spread out, I couldn’t stop thinking of her. Darn, she _is_ beautiful……and I don’t know, I don’t really like her in the way she ‘supposedly’ likes me. I can’t say that I don’t like her back with full certainty though. I could give her a chance, just not yet. Hehe, maybe I can act oblivious so that she can show if she actually likes me or not? I’ll be surprised if she is. Or should I? Wouldn’t be that mean if I acted like I didn’t notice? I mean, I bet Chika and Riko are dating. I think they are… Yō was rejected so she probably wouldn’t like that. Haaa……the problems of being a maiden in love: being rejected. Errmmm…..itgoesforbothgenders!!!

                             I’m excited what the month decides to bring me! Hopefully I won’t spiral down again, but I’ll not talk about that. I don’t want to touch the topic. Will I meet new people? Or will I strengthen the bonds I already formed? Ah! It’s getting late. My parents might check up on me! Eeeeeek! I don’t want to get scolded! I hope that all the days that will come forward from this point on will be filled with the courage and the strength to carry on. Future here I come!

* * *

******* - the VA of Riko loves plums**


	2. Affirmation

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I almost forgot to update. :p
> 
> I really suck at writing romance. xD

**December 2, 2017**

Dear Diary,

                             Yō asked me out today. I could vaguely see Dia behind a corner glaring at her. She was probably making sure she won’t do anything weird to me but…..I trust Yō won’t do anything wrong. Because if she did…..Dia would have already hit her enough times to send her to the hospital! I’m…just joking. Kanan or one of the other members would have stopped her before Yō got her physically. I say physically because I think……I don’t know. Where was I going in the last sentence? I don’t really know. Maybe ask the person writing this? But that would be…me…right?

                             Back to the ‘date’ as Mari would like to call it, I hesitantly agreed because I just wanted to see her worthiness to date your honor! Hehe, I got that confidence from Yoshiko. They were very supportive of Yō and me. Although we haven’t even said that we were dating yet! That’s life though. I can’t really do much about it.

                            Yō was very nervous and I held her hand thinking it would calm her down but apparently she ‘died’. She became so flustered that I decided to not hold her hand at all but maybe because she liked my touch, she held on to my hand even though I knew she was blushing inside or practically dying. This girl really loves me huh. And because of it, I ended up blushing as well so Yō stopped walking and looked at me to see if I was alright. Isn’t that what I’m supposed to be asking you?! You’re ‘dying’ and you’re checking up on ME if I’m ‘dying’?

                             That just means that she was caring was what Hanamaru said after I told her and Yoshiko what happened with the ‘date’. She took me out to a nearby restaurant that looked quite fancy so I bet she asked some money from Mari so that she can pay for our expenses. Did she really find the need to go that far with this ‘date’? To think of it, if I asked someone out, I would make it worth their time. I wouldn’t want to half-heart since obviously, you love the person!

                             I asked her if she really, truly loves me. She got nervous. Of course she would! I just asked for a confession from her! But wasn’t it obvious from the start? I mean, Riko and Chika made it visible so I think I already know my answer. As a response, when we were on our way home or at least she was going to drop me off, I kissed her on the cheek, saying that I’ll think about it.


	3. Older Sister

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm back with an early update for once! This is the longest chapter I've ever written. Probably one of my favorites. 
> 
> Well.....hope you enjoy!

**December 3, 2017**

Dear Diary,

                             After yesterday’s events, Dia asked me to go to the Student Council room after class. I was confused to be honest. I thought she was going to scold me for accepting Yō’s offer so to brace myself for the lecture, I prepared some reasons why I find it okay to accept the ‘date’ that was proposed to me the other day. Though even then, I knew arguing against was futile and I would lose anyways so I didn’t prepare that much. I think I was really nervous. I’m not used to people scolding me for doing something wrong. I always follow the rules…just…putting that out there.

                             I was really surprised when she told me that she’s okay with me dating Yō. If anything, I thought she would be super against it and deny Yō of even having at least friendly interaction with me! Hehe, I guess I was wrong. She told me that she’ll always be here for me if anything happens between us two. Us two I meant Yō and I. I kept telling her that we’re not even dating yet and I haven’t even accepted but Dia kept on insisting that when I have a relationship with Yō already, she’ll be here if I ever need help.

                             I told Hanamaru and Yoshiko about it and they were shocked as well. Dia is very strict. Our family raised us to be formal and to be, to summarize, civil or what like I said earlier—formal. Of course our parents won’t hear about this…hehe~. I wouldn’t want to be lectured how I should be dating later when I grow older because I believe if I can balance my studies and my love life then it will turn out just fine. I know that it’s better to not have a relationship when you’re younger but if ever we break up and we’re still in school, it will teach Yō and I that not all things should be hurried and we should know how to balance our priorities. If we have a healthy relationship that lasts until we graduate from college and we get married and the like, it will teach us that if you really want it to work out, then always believe and put the right amount of effort.

                             Speaking of marriage, wouldn’t my parents be surprised that I’m dating a female? It’s expected for a woman to marry a man but…….what will they think of me if they realize I’m dating a person my own gender? Will they hate me? Will they think lowly of me? The Kurosawa name has a reputation I don’t want to destroy in the future because of the person I’m dating. If I want to marry a girl, then they should let me be since this is my decision and my decision alone to choose who I will spend my last days with.

                             Hehe, I’m worrying over something that won’t even happen until years from now. I won’t blame myself though, after all, marriage is a big deal. It holds a big significance in everyone’s life. It may mean something else to others but for me, marriage means that you get to spend forever with the person you love the most.

                             But after the date, maybe I might give Yō a chance. Who knows? I’ll think about it tomorrow and give her an answer the following day…. For now….I think I’ll rest. My heart’s pounding faster than usual. It’s also my first time writing in my diary in class and class is about to start. Yoshiko and Hanamaru are noticing me as well. They might ask what I’m doing. I’ll put this away now! Bye!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _I'm excited for December 5. You should be too!_
> 
> #  ;) 


	4. Conclusion

**December 4, 2017**

Dear Diary,

                             For almost the whole day I was thinking about what I should say to Yō. Should I accept? Or should I decline? I don’t love her as much as she loves me, but I think I’ll know soon enough. Is it fair to be in a relationship where you don’t love the person fully? That sure, you do have feelings for them….but it isn’t on the level she loves you on? Wouldn’t that be unfair? People might say it’s unfair. I understand it though, why would you be in a relationship where you love the other more than your significant other? Others will say that it doesn’t matter _how_ much you love her, but _if_ you love her.

                             The amount of times I mention Hanamaru and Yoshiko are insane. Hehe, I know I keep bringing them up but they’re the sole reason why I’m doing as well as I am right now. They might be the reason I was once hurt, but there’s a reason why I say ‘once’ in that sentence. I have forgiven them for it has hurt me just as much as they hurt me.

                             They told me that I should answer her immediately. It’s not good to leave someone hanging they said. It’s really difficult to answer to a confession I reasoned. _Especially_ if your feelings for them isn’t that sure. I’m not sure if I love Yō but she sure is someone I hold close to me. We have those moments when we make clothes and we confide in each other some things we have trouble telling to the other members. It’s one of the reasons she noticed my heartbroken self last month.

                             Yō is a nice girl really. She helped me when I accidentally spilled my water on my dress (because I was really nervous) during our date. She assisted me when I couldn’t find the thread I needed while sewing the outfits. She helped me on many occasions and I couldn’t find the time to repay her. That’s one of the reasons I want to accept the confession. If I can’t repay all the things she has done to help me, I could help her in accepting her feelings.

                             People will tell me that I’m just going to be unfair to Yō. Like earlier, they’ll tell me that I don’t love her as much as she loves me. I am accepting her confession simply because I don’t want to break her heart. Her heart has already been broken before. I don’t want to be the one to break it again. I can say from experience that recovering from a broken heart takes time and is like getting a wound then getting a scar. The heart has healed but it has left a wound. A wound you so desperately are trying to heal. When you look at the scar, you remember how you get hurt. No one wants that.

                             It’s getting late again. I’ll answer Yō tomorrow. I’m nervous about what’s going to happen but I should not worry. It’s scary to accept a confession for the first time in a long while. Hanamaru and Yoshiko eventually saw the reasoning behind my actions and agreed. They said that they’ll make sure everything will be okay and if Yō dares to hurt me, she’ll be hospitalized before I’ll even be hit. Quite protective if I do say so myself. I’m nervous of what will happen, but I know I shouldn’t. After all, what’s there to be nervous about with saying yes?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HEHEHHEHEHEHHEHEHEHEH
> 
> # DECEMBER 5 IS NEAR. TOMORROW
> 
> It's also my birthday tomorrow. So there's a reason why I put one of the turning points of this story on my birthday! :D


	5. Confession

**December 5, 2017**

Dear Diary,

                             I went to Yō during lunch. She was eating with Riko and Chika. I tapped on her shoulder and she stiffened, and I may or may have not jumped back in surprise. When she realized that it was just me, she blushed and Riko and Chika’s teasing mode went on. They kept sending me glances that had so many messages. An example was, “ _take care of our Yō okay?”_. There was also, _“good luck in dating her!”_. I would’ve put more but I think I’m blushing already.

                             I asked them if I can borrow Yō for a while and before Chika and Riko could even respond, Yō just stood up by herself and asked me where do I want to go. Has she caught on to what I was going to do? That was what was going through my head when she asked that. I could faintly hear the snickers of the two. I stared into her eyes and found myself slowly losing my focus on what I was supposed to do. She snapped her fingers and my eyes instantly moved away, I was a blushing mess and the two people who haven’t stopped watching us have started to die because, and I quote since they told me after class, _“you two were SOOOOOOOO cute!!”_.

                             Bringing her to the rooftop would be a little too obvious so instead, I brought her outside. It wasn’t the best place to answer but at least she wouldn’t expect it. There was no one near the gates so it was a perfect opportunity without letting anyone else accidentally eavesdrop. The thing I wouldn’t want is anyone unnecessary hearing what I have to say. We’re one of the most people in the school, and when I saw we, I mean Aqours.

                             Taking her hand, I struggled to get the words out. I didn’t know what came over me when I took her hand. I practiced what I was going to say endless times before going to her. I even practiced with Dia! What was with it that made me nervous when I was about to do the real thing? This should be easy. Maybe the nerves really got to me. It’s been a long time since I’ve felt the fluttery feeling of someone that you like confess to you.

                             I was stuck looking down but I was still holding her hand, gently. She kept looking away, as if she was making sure no one was around to see the embarrassing spectacle. That was what I was thinking that she was doing anyways. I didn’t dare look up. For a split second, I wanted to run away. It was Hanamaru who confessed to me months ago. I was the one who watched with joy as she told me who she loved.

                             I never imagined that I would be in her position. And even then, I am still very shy, I am still very hesitant, I am still very weak. But it was because of my friends who guided me from the very start. It was my friends who helped me through times of darkness. It was my friends who encouraged me when I was in the spotlight. It was because of them I am standing in front of Yō today. It was because of them I was able to put a bandage on my heart, and even though I know it may not heal for quite some time. I know Yō would be able to help. After all,  that’s what lovers are for right?

* * *

  **Earlier**

 

“Ruby-chan?” Yō looked at me, with a slightly worried look on her face. “We’ve been here for a while now.”

“I know…I just….don’t know what to say..”

“Maybe you can show it to me instead—Mhmp!”

…

…

…

…

“Umm……I…love you..”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ##  someone save me im dying of cuteness right here 
> 
> also i managed to hide the fact that it was my birthday to most of my classmates (only my close friends knew) until the end of the day
> 
> i should be rewarded for that xDD


	6. Revealed

**December 6, 2017**

Dear Diary,

                             Hand in hand, I walked home with Yō. I wanted to show Dia about what I have just gotten myself into. Yō wasn’t that keen on it, after all, she didn’t know that Dia was perfectly fine with us. She kept on trying to make me forget that I invited her home but I wouldn’t forget it. I was so excited to introduce her to someone I look up to, of course that would be my older sister. She was there from the start so showing her what I have now achieved is something I always have wished.

                             Once we arrived, she kept looking around in slight awe. I wouldn’t blame her, it’s not that often that my friends go to our house. I called for Dia and she, being the not-tardy person she is, rushed down the stairs. I knew why she rushed down because I think she noticed the cheeriness in my voice. I’m not saying that I’m not usually cheery, but there’s that thing that Dia has probably picked up which is why she immediately went down.

                             Yō saw Dia and she froze. The only words exchanged between the two were, greetings and congratulations. Dia and I looked at each other in the eye and giggled. I kissed Yō on the cheek and Dia then understood the message. I have never seen my sister squeal so hard before. She pulled out her phone and dialed someone which turned out to be Mari. 5 minutes later Mari, Dia, and **Kanan** was all at the house, squealing like children. Yō and I haven’t blushed so hard in our lives. We love each other and we know it but seeing people be so happy about it made us slightly embarrassing (since we’re not used to such feedback yet).

                             I am very excited for what is next to come. The others also know about our relationship and they are very supportive of it. Honestly, I never knew that my life would reach such a point and I am very happy for it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the short chapter. I have an assignment to do which will be the reason whether or whether not I can do a recitation for my Geography subject. And it's freaking long. The heck why do I have to write all of this by hand.


	7. Live Show

**December 7, 2017**

Dear Diary,

                             We have decided to host a show somewhere within the month. Dia said preferably a few weeks from now to have enough time to prepare all the steps and costumes. We all agreed. Since we needed a theme to get the ball rolling, we threw some ideas at each other here and there (with Yoshiko repeatedly insisting they should make it about fallen angels and Mari suggesting rock multiple times). We couldn’t really settle on one so we decided to think about it more the following day.

                             So that’s what happened today. It wasn’t much since it was just filled with lovey-dovey moments with Yō and I. I’ll be sure to write more tomorrow once I have more time. I occupied myself with too much with my homework. Exams are coming up, so I need to focus more on my studies at the moment. Within the week I won’t be writing too much, hopefully I can, since the workload gets lighter and lighter as the week progresses.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think this is my shortest chapter ever for the entire series. I apologize greatly. Exams are coming up and I need to make my reviewer so I ended up devoting most of my writing time to it. I need to stay on the honor roll okay? xDD
> 
> Sorry for the inconvenience! The second paragraph is basically me apologizing.


	8. Preparation

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's named 'Preparation' because it was _supposed_ to be about YouRuby fluff while doing the outfits for their live show coming up.
> 
> Apparently I strayed away from that idea, and to be honest, the final result _isn't that bad._
> 
> I actually like it! (because there is angst there's no questioning that)

**December 8, 2017**

Dear Diary,

                             The theme has already been decided and we have all been assigned tasks to do. Riko with the music, Chika with the lyrics, Kanan with the dance steps (with some assistance), and You and me for the clothes. You know what that meant? That’s right. We could spend more time together! It was mostly spent in silence since we were trying not to prick our hands because we would rather not get hurt. After all, we singlehandedly know the feeling of getting pricked by a needle.

                             It wasn’t a normal session without the small talk here and there. We decided on the Christmas theme which was reasonable since we are now in December. Chika said that she’ll make a song dedicated to how we should be thankful to those around us who helped us become the better person that we are today. It was quite profound if I do say so myself, which is why some of the members teased her for being so ‘wise’.

                             As we were making the outfits (that we already had a design of because motivation is the best thing in the world), Yō brought up the subject of her former love/crush on Chika. I don’t really mind it but I think that the topic is a sensitive discussion for her so I walked carefully, making sure not the step on a mine.

                             Yō told me how before she realized that she actually liked me (to which I blushed to), she was in love with Chika. Everything that Chika does, she admires, and even though some of them may be absolutely out of this world, Yō didn’t see it as ‘weird’ but instead viewed it as, “another quirk to Chika’s personality”. Every day she planned on confessing but every time it’s just the two of them together, she would always get nervous and keep everything that she was feeling to herself.

                             Riko came along and Chika fell in love with her. How did Yō know? I asked her but was careful with my wording. She answered that when it was just her and Chika, probably a sleep over according to how she described it, she asked Yō if she liked anyone within the school. Yō was nervous but realized this as the perfect chance to confess and answered that she was indeed interested in one of the people in their school. Chika was surprised because she was never informed of her very own best friend having someone that she likes in a more romantic manner. Yō immediately asked Chika if she had anyone that she liked because Yō wanted to know if Chika liked her back, the girl is usually blunt when she speaks so she used it to her advantage.

                             And when Yō asked her, Chika smiled in a way that Yō has never seen Chika smile before. Apparently, Chika’s in love with Riko. She glanced at the window that across from it is Riko’s house. Yō felt her world shatter and found it difficult to smile. Chika may be clumsy, but she isn’t dense. She picked up on the fact that Yō seemed different as soon as she confessed who she liked. Reminder, Chika’s clumsy, not dense.

                             Once the pieces were put together in Chika’s mind, she immediately felt sympathy for her best friend. Yō loves her but she loves someone else, and it wouldn’t help if Chika told her that Riko loves her too. She wrapped her friend in a hug who was surprised and asked Chika if something was wrong to which, according to what Yō remembers, responded along the lines of, “You should be asking that to yourself. Are you okay?” and Chika finally got the reaction she was waiting for.

                             She then told me that a few weeks later she found out that Riko loves Chika back and they’re now dating. It wasn’t really confirmed by the two when asked by others but Yō knew better. All she could do at the moment was take another step forward. There was no use in crying over what has left. Luckily for her, even though Yō liked Chika, it didn’t affect the friendship severely that the bonds they so carefully made broke. They were very close and you can see that their bond isn’t so shallow. This was where Yō realized that even if Yō might not be the reason that Chika’s day will be brighter, she can be the reason why someone’s day can become better.

                             And you know, that was when she realized her unknown feelings for me a few months later.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There is little angst but that's what makes me love this chapter.
> 
> Technically if you have nice angst then I love the work immediately (i do have preferences tho but still)


	9. Chapter 9

**December 9, 2017**

Dear Diary,

                             We started practice today! I was a bit bummed out how it was on a weekend but they all insisted (mostly the third years) that we must practice if we want to win the hearts of the audience. Of course we wouldn’t want to lose to them so we ended giving in to an hour or so of practice. I wasn’t surprised when they were finished with most of the steps already since I could see it from their eyes that they were motivated about the performance. Speaking of the performance, the song has already been finished so Kanan and the other two just had to see which of the steps they taught of would fit in with the theme and also their song.

                             I saw Yō having so much fun dancing once we finally started practicing so I promised myself that I would give my ultimate best for this performance. Although we don’t have anything significant to connect to the live, we’re treating it’s our very last. They all are putting their best efforts and even though I myself am doing the same thing, I can’t help but feel proud of what we have accomplished. What I just said was really sentimental over just a live show huh? Hehe~

                             I’ll try my best to not overexert myself since I’d rather not be scolded how I should be conserving energy and not spend too much energy even though they know my intentions of putting my best out there when the event approaches. I wouldn’t want Yoshiko, Hanamaru, and especially Yō to worry about my mental and physical health. That burden is something that would get increasingly heavy to carry.

                             I’ll be heading to bed now! I’m getting quite sleepy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it was late! I had my birthday party (since my actual birthday falls on a school day) from 9AM to 4PM then we had dinner after with my friends and arrived home at 9/10PM. 
> 
> I was too tired to turn on my laptop by then.


	10. Overexertion

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I keep making chapter titles that only makes sense with the first few paragraphs. I keep straying away! 
> 
> But I usually like the end result....so.........://

**December 10, 2017**

Dear Diary,

                             I promised myself to not overexert myself while practicing and I didn’t. I made sure to take the necessary breaks so that I wouldn’t have difficulty practicing the next time or if ever I rested a day before the performance itself, I would still be able to perform. I was very surprised how Yō didn’t attend our hangout as a group today. Her mother said something about Yō doing some things after practice that made her do too much work.

                             Me being me, I was very worried. Instead of attending the hangout, I told Hanamaru that I’ll be heading to Yō’s place to take care of her and the others can just go ahead and do their thing. I gave her the possibility that we might catch up but once I entered the living room the thought was immediately gone. She was lucky she wasn’t **_that_** sore but more of in a, ‘tired’ state. It would’ve costed us if she needed to rest more because she exerted too much.

                             We were just in the living room eating because her mother was kind enough to give us food. I was about to kiss Yō on the cheek to comfort her but I remembered right before I did it that none of our parents know of our relationship. I feel bad for leaving them in the dark but I guess we were both shy about how they will react with us going against the _supposed_ dating style which is opposite gender to opposite gender.

                             Time passed by quickly but we were just okay with each other’s company. Being with Yō makes me feel safe, she has this thing about her that assures you that you’ll never get hurt and that no one will ever lay a hand on you which has wrong intentions. Although she may be the one that was more vulnerable, I felt like she would still protect me no matter what.

                             My phone rang and the voice from the other end seemed so distressed. It was Yoshiko. She was crying. Apparently someone got into a fight with Hanamaru because they didn’t like her being part of Aqours. I knew Hanamaru, the girl wouldn’t fight back. She’d rather stay peaceful than fight, so Yoshiko instead hit the guy but they got some good shots on Hanamaru which ended with the girl getting bruised. People would probably think, “ _well why didn’t they attack the person before they even landed a hit on her?_ ”. Maybe they didn’t because the shock that the hatred would spread to a physical extent scared them. The person was spitting words at them so to think they would actually hit someone shocked them.

                             Kanan, according to Yoshiko, went up to the person and grabbed them by the collar. They were lucky they were able to restrain Kanan from doing anything else since it would be unbecoming of them since their reputation would immediately plummet down. We all understood Kanan’s outburst though, she didn’t like how a close friend was being attacked and all she wanted to do was hit them as well as revenge. As an idol though, you can’t always get what you want.

                             It’s totally unreasonable for someone to hit another person so suddenly and out of hatred. **All because you don’t like them doesn’t give you the right to touch them in any way.** People like them should know how to control their anger and release it on something else, like an inanimate object for one. A thing doesn’t have a conscious so hitting a thing would be better than hurting something that has a conscious. It’s absolutely disgusting to see someone act like that.

                             In my silent anger, I immediately ran to where they were. I didn’t leave Yō behind though since I told her I was going to go somewhere important and will try to return as soon as possible. She nodded as she continued to play with her phone.

                             I asked them where was that guy who hit Hanamaru. They responded that they ran away because Kanan was more than enough to scare them off. I think they were all surprised at how angry I was since they all didn’t want to look into my eyes (except for Dia). Then I remembered how I once was so protective over Hanamaru. I wouldn’t allow anyone to touch her with malicious intent. Hm…I never really knew why we broke up. Maybe because I didn’t want her being treated wrongly? Like, I know I am small, I am fragile, I am like glass. Though I might be small, though I might be fragile, though I might be like glass, I have my strengths.

                             I never knew why we broke up. I never knew why we parted. _Though I think everything happens for a reason, even if you don't know why it did._


	11. Fear

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have exams tomorrow and on Wednesday so chapters going to be uploaded on that day might be a short.
> 
> I need to make a reviewer as well. My grades need some saving (not really they're all line of 9s)

**December 11, 2017**

Dear Diary,

                             Hanamaru has been totally unresponsive today. In school, when she’s being called on, her eyes were just glued on to the board, not moving. It was like she was stuck in her head but no matter how many times we would try to snap her out of it she wouldn’t focus. It brought a lot of problems since the whole day she was like that. Yoshiko and I were equally worried since we didn’t know how much the surprise hit scared Hanamaru. Although we ourselves would’ve been shocked initially, the process afterwards is a whole other story.

                             We went to Yoshiko’s house since her mother was out for the day. Hanamaru’s eyes were glued to the wall, like she was thinking about so many things at once since her face slowly started to contort into a feared one rather than her usual calm and happy one. Her mind was in overdrive. We didn’t know what she was thinking. We didn’t know to what extreme did she go to. We didn’t know if she was actually hurting inside since that day and it’s slowly getting to her. We don’t know and it’s driving us insane.

                             Yoshiko was very worried as it progressed. None of the others were aware of Hanamaru’s fear. Was she scared that she was being hated by multiple people and not just that one person? Was she scared that she truly didn’t deserve to be in Aqours? Was she scared that no one actually wanted her to be part? Was she scared that we agreed with the guy? Was that was she scared of? That we agreed? It was the only possible situation that was the worst. Maybe she was thinking that we didn’t want her to be part? Didn’t she have doubts that she could never be an idol at the beginning?

                             I explained to Yoshiko what I thought Hanamaru was thinking and Yoshiko went full overdrive. She kept reassuring that we definitely want her to be in Aqours. We definitely don’t want her to leave. We definitely think she deserves her spot. We definitely think that although many people may not like her, there are many more that love her. We definitely know that people want her to be part. We definitely love Hanamaru and no one will say otherwise.


	12. Cleared

**December 12, 2017**

Dear Diary,

                             Hanamaru is starting to forget the events of before. I feel happy about it, at least she’ll have less things to worry about. I know that everyone worries about something but is too scared to say it. I know I am worried about some things and never tell anyone. Maybe because I feel like I’m burdening them with my problems? I mean, they’re asking for a load that may weigh too much for them. I’d rather not share the load and burden them if it will only hurt them.

                             Maybe that’s why I’m so secretive? Hanamaru tends to stay with her books a lot. I wonder why, maybe because she can focus clearly? Everything that is worrying about fades away? I get that feeling when I’m reading a book that I’m really interested in. Hanamaru is usually absorbed into anything she reads. That’s a good thing right?

                             To sum up the day, Yoshiko and I are glad that Hanamaru is getting back to normal without the others noticing. We didn’t want them to worry about Hanamaru overanalyzing things. Not that they wouldn’t be able to take the load, but more of we don’t want them to get tired carrying it so we decided to take care of it ourselves.

                             I wonder if that’s a good thing…

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm very sorry it's short again! I was doing my reviewer and I ended around 8PM. I can't really write that well when it's late. I'll make up for it tomorrow!
> 
> Also, I rarely address this because I always forget, but thank you for the overwhelming amount of views! It makes me happy that people read my works and even if it's just one person reading it over and over again, it still makes me glad! :>>


	13. Time

**December 13(?), 2017**

Dear Diary,

                             To start things off, Hanamaru is completely okay now. That’s a good thing, but that’s not what I’m going to talk about. I’m going to talk about a very sensitive topic. It makes my eyes water and makes my body shiver. It scares me but I can’t do anything to prevent it.

                             I’ll be upfront, I’m talking about death. Death, the thing that makes us scared because we never want it to come. Death, the thing that corners others into thinking that it’s the only way out. Death, the thing that makes us curl up in our beds and never want to come out. Our eyes water and our body shivers. Black, all black, covering my sight. It’s an unsightly view, yet we all experience it at least once in our lives.

How _should_ you react? You could’ve seen it coming, you could’ve done _everything_ to do it. You could’ve done _something_ , at least _something_ to stop it. And yet you stand there, seeing her lifeless body. Someone died.

                             How _do_ you react? How do you react when everything has been stripped away from you? What do you do when your world comes to a halt. The earth stops spinning and time comes to a stop? Like everything that was once been, has been taken away, not to be returned. What _do_ you do? I just stood there, watching her eyes slowly close as I desperately tugged at her to keep on breathing. To keep on blinking…..to keep…on…living..

                            I tried and I tried. I kept on pushing forward, I wanted them to see the dawn. I wanted them to hear the birds chirping, to see the sun shining, to see….me, standing in front of them. They can’t anymore.

                             Maybe if I noticed the signs, maybe if I only looked closely, I could’ve caught you from falling.

                             I’m sorry I didn’t catch you. I’m sorry I never did. I was supposed to. I would’ve caught you. You know, I would’ve _ran_. I would’ve ran towards you and brace for the impact. It may hurt me but it’s worth it. I want to you to see the light again and stop staying in the dark, but I guess….I was too late.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ;)


	14. Nightmare

**December 14, 2017**

Dear Diary,

                             I had an insane nightmare yesterday. I think I wrote it in my diary. Hehe, maybe I could use it to surprise others? Wouldn’t that be mean? I already wrote it so there’s no going back. My nightmare was about someone dying because of something, I can’t really remember. All I know is that someone died and that I could’ve stopped it so the ‘me’ in the dream experienced some insane guilt. It was _pretty_ intense if you ask me.

                             I talked to Yō about it to see if she could help. She was happy to help me with it since she saw that dreaming of someone close to me dying is very scary. Well, that was what she told me. So we talked for a few hours (because we had nothing else to do) usually about idols but there are some mentions of more deeper, philosophical stuff. I know Dia is good at that, I know I’m not. I’m not one to get myself into more deeper thinking. I mean, I’m not saying I don’t but more like I don’t usually do it. There are many distractions around me that prevent me from doing so.

                             Once we entered the ‘philosophical’ zone, Yō asked a question that I still think about until now. _“What if I die? What would you do?_ ” I wasn’t able to answer her since losing someone so close to me would just destroy me. If Yō died, I would have difficulty getting back up on my feet. Don’t they say that the person that you love or better known as ‘soul mate’ is your other half? So when Yō dies, a half of me dies, since I am no longer complete.

                             Lately, I have only experienced breakup. I have never experienced the death of a family member or someone dear. If Dia dies, I would be really affected by it. She’s my sister after all. She’s the one who made sure I was always okay, she was the one who stumbled along with me if I tripped. She’s the best elder sister I could ask for. If it wasn’t for her, I wouldn’t be who I am. I may still be the shy Ruby, the weak Ruby, the crybaby Ruby, but at least I know even though I am this way, I have people around me who love me for who I am.

                             And I would _never_ , **ever** want them to die. Though, death is a part of life so all I can do is accept it when the time comes. That time is still quite far so I’ll just enjoy the time we have now, I’ll never know when it will run out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Those reactions from last chapter had me smiling tbh. :))


	15. Dance

**December 15, 2017**

Dear Diary,

                             We have scheduled the live show to be on the 20th which is a few days from now. We’re starting to fix up most of the things we didn’t before and it’s running smoothly. Yō went to my house today because I wanted a sleepover with her. She agreed to which I was relieved because I thought Chika might get a little jealous (she squealed like a child instead if you’re wondering what she _actually_ did).

                             She was looking straight up at the ceiling, her face very relaxed. I found myself cuddling with her until I fell asleep. My heart was beating fast, she really makes me feel at home. I’m glad I didn’t reject her.

                             I wonder what was she thinking before I slept. All I knew was that I hugged her very tightly (not enough that it will make her uncomfortable) because I was really cold that night. She just felt so warm and cuddly that I couldn’t just resist! It’s difficult to not stop yourself from hugging her when you’re cold you know! Hmph!

                             Anyway, when I woke up, I saw her sitting on a pillow, looking at me gently. She giggled when I woke up because she has never seen me that messy before. Usually I am so neat and not so disorganized so according to her, it was a nice side to see. It was nice for her to see a side of me that I don’t really show anyone else. That not everything what you see is what is always true.

                             Dia greeted us good morning before we headed for breakfast. Yō brought her school uniform and practice clothes home so that the day after we wouldn’t fret that she forget them at home. It was suggested by Dia because she loves to think ahead, it’s times like this I thank her for reminding me because of simple things like this.

                             And when we parted ways so that we can go to our respective classrooms, I remembered that I forgot to write a diary entry for the 15th so here I am now. Technically it’s the 16th today so there’s that. Hmm….I guess I can split this day into two then!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This entry was (within the story line) written on the 16th but labelled as being written on the 15th since it would disrupt the flow. 
> 
> It's short because I wrote late and need to sleep.


	16. Eyes

**December 16, 2017**

Dear Diary,

                             Don’t people say that the eyes are the window to a person’s soul? Ruby….doesn’t really know. I’m not that good at seeing whether or whether not someone is down just by looking into their eyes but I’ll say it does work for others who show their emotions openly. That aside, I saw Kanan sitting alone by a tree after class. Her pose or stance told a bystander that she was just standing there but to the eyes of someone who knew her, it looked like she was distressed about something. You know that feeling? The feeling of when you get close to a person and you can notice when they’re down? Yeah, that’s what Ruby felt with Kanan.

                             I approached her but she didn’t noticed me. Her eyes were closed, gently. Her face told another story, she seemed sad. It was as if something bad happened to her. It was surprising as well since no one was able to detect her gloomy mood. She was right in front of me but she looked so distant, so sad, so cold. I didn’t know what to do. I pulled her into a hug and luckily, she reciprocated it. She was surprised at first, but calmed down after.

                             She was crying earlier, which explained why she closed her eyes. The pain she was trying to cover, unraveled at the simple helpful gesture of a friend. The power of actions huh? She continued to sob softly now, telling me about how much she loves Dia but Dia loves someone else. Dia loves someone from abroad, and to add insult to injury, Dia isn’t into girls unlike Kanan. If I remember correctly, it’s only Dia who is straight. Regardless, they didn’t view as differently when each of us confessed that we are lesbians.

                             Kanan loves Dia so much. It was easily masked because of how close the two are as _friends_ so Dia didn’t think about it being in a romantic sense. Dia always thought they were _just friends_ and for her and Kanan, that’s all they’ll ever be. _That_ was more than enough to shatter Kanan’s heart. It was more than enough to make her stumble and fall. I was lucky I caught her before she hit the ground and I am happy for that, because no one even did that for me.

                             Dia met a boy while she was away, his name is Blake. Blake is a very kind person. He doesn’t have the best grades, and he doesn’t really go along well with many others but he still captured Dia’s heart nonetheless. The opening of a door closed another. Kanan was never told if Blake likes Dia back or not, but she has a hunch that he does. Dia has looks that can attract one’s eye. If Kanan fell for her, Blake might have also been. Dia told me already about this ‘Blake’ guy and honestly, I like him. I have met him once….and that was when Dia was talking to him using video call.

                             I offered Kanan reassurance that even though Dia might not like her back, she can always treasure the time she has with Dia. It will slowly break her heart but what does she want? Does she want her heart to shatter or to break bit by bit? Both are painful but one means to avoid and one is to treasure. Before, I knew my relationship with Hanamaru was going downhill a couple of months into it. It was breaking my heart every time she glanced at Yoshiko and interlaced her hand with hers. It broke my heart to see them laugh together without me. It hurt me to see them leaning on each other for support when Hanamaru used to lean on me. It broke me, but I treasured the last moments I had with her. I treasured something that will soon become memories. I treasured something I will never ever get back again.

                             And my decision is something I have never regretted, and that’s exactly what I told Kanan. Even though it might just be a little bit, Kanan’s eyes brightened up, a new fire in them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I now say that Dia is a straight.
> 
> (earns backlash) Okay okay! Just for this fic! 
> 
> Anyway, it was supposed to be Mari who was gonna be Kanan's love interest and it was also Mari and Dia who were the original straights but Mari is too gay to be straight (Dia as well but......... :////)
> 
> I ended it on a positive note! Yay! We're already halfway through the month and I've been enjoying the journey so far. Though there may be some late updates here and there (or some delays for that matter), I'm glad I have pursued this. (This is so sentimental for some reason wow)
> 
> The character that I introduced (Blake) will stay as a side character in this story but that can change if my mind wants to change it. I have no plans whether or whether not Blake and Dia will get together but I'll make the decision once I have to.
> 
> ### KANAN MIGHT FALL FOR MARI WHO KNOWS?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?


	17. Far

**December 17, 2017**

Dear Diary,

                             Kanan thanked me for the advice I gave. She talked to Dia earlier (she came over) and they had a pretty fun time. I saw it myself so…I can reassure you that there was no awkward tension between them!

                             The topic of ‘Blake’ arrived and surprisingly, it was Kanan who brought it up. As soon as Kanan said Blake’s name, Dia’s eyes brightened up. She told me that it may have hurt her a bit when the person she loves is in love with another person but whatever makes Dia happy will make her happy as well. Dia though….she was _gushing_ about him! The two talked last night (which is why I think I heard footsteps late at night, don’t ask me why I was awake at the time, I was already heading to bed!) and Dia was just sharing everything about him to her.

                             I found it odd that Mari wasn’t there but she apparently was with her parents at a business meeting that she had to attend. Kanan told me she felt so confused on how to feel. Should she feel happy that Dia is sharing stuff happening between her and Blake? Or should she feel hurt that Dia is very enthusiastic about talking about him? I wouldn’t know how to react either.

                            Dia found a chance to introduce Kanan to him so she dialed him and he was still awake at the time. Kanan and him had a nice talk with Kanan nearly telling Dia’s secret to him. I think Dia hit her because I heard Kanan begging Dia to not hit her anymore. Laughter ensued.

                             I hope Kanan had a nice time talking with Dia. She loves her so much and I know it pained her to see her not reciprocate those feelings. That’s how life is. You don’t always get what you want. Mari is still single right? Kanan _could_ go after her if you know what I’m saying but falling in love with another person is a bit difficult when you already love someone else.. Haa….the troubles of love.

                             But I don’t really know, if Kanan wants to get over her love for Dia even though she loves someone else, it’s all up to her. If anything, I hope Kanan comes out in one piece, because it’s very difficult to put yourself back together again when you’re broken. I will help her if the that ever happens, after all, that’s what friends are for right?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really wanted to work on the 'From the Dirt' series I have so I did an early update. 
> 
> Don't worry, I didn't do it half-heartedly. I love this series, how could I?


	18. Accepting

**December 18, 2017**

Dear Diary,

                             I told Dia that Kanan likes her. Well, I did because Kanan told me to. She wanted it off of her chest but couldn’t find the guts to talk to her. It was quite the scene actually since seeing Kanan so hesitant wasn’t a thing I was used to seeing. She was always so confident and cool, like a certain person I know.

                             Dia was…very…very…surprised. She always thought Kanan saw her as a friend. I don’t blame her, it’s odd to realize that someone who has been with you from the start see you more than just a friend when you only saw them as just that. Dia didn’t want to disappoint Kanan like how I didn’t want to disappoint Yō-chan. Though she might have caught on that Kanan already accepted that Dia would refuse her because of yesterday…. I don’t know, she gave me this knowing look with no context.

                             She told me that she was going to deal with it? Ruby doesn’t really know okay but I kinda wanted to see what’s going to happen…. Hehe! I think I could call Yō-chan? She hasn’t really been that busy lately. She could assist me! Ruby’s getting more rebellious! And it’s all thanks to Yō-chan! Don’t tell Yō-chan that though okay? She wouldn’t like that, or at least, I think she wouldn’t so let’s just keep it between us. Okay? Okay!

                             So I called her at like, 12 midnight. She was quite grumpy, I understood that but being the girls we are, we’re a sucker for drama. Hehe! I’m just joking, I was able to convince Yō-chan to come over so that if ever Dia’s confrontation with Kanan goes wrong….well, at least there’s backup!

                             We sneakily followed Dia who didn’t leave until 30 minutes later. We had our bandana and everything, or at least, Yō-chan did because she wanted to “take this very seriously” and that this “mission” needs to “dealt with the right equipment”. I nearly died of laughter when she appeared all suited up in black. Sometimes while we were walking, I’d nearly hit her because I thought she was a criminal.

                             Oh well, Dia hasn’t stopped walking yet. Why did I bring my diary with me??

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> UMMM
> 
> DRAMA IS INCOMING
> 
> i think?


	19. Eavesdrop

**December 19, 2017**

Dear Diary,

                             Since it was already morning by the time we were there, it counts writing this on this date right? Anyway, Dia saw Kanan waving hesitantly at her. So they actually did assemble huh? Yō was goofing around for no reason so I had to hush her repeatedly so that we wouldn’t be found out.

                             And why are we here in the first place again? I’m seeing this unfold right before my eyes, isn’t a diary entry supposed to be when a day is done? I don’t know, classes start soon? I’m really sleepy and………..I’m getting off topic.

                             Kanan starts to ramble about her feelings for Dia in the most animated way possible and every now and then Dia would blush because of how sincere Kanan’s words are. Yō gave me the look of, “want me to do that too?” I swear this girl has a nick for being inappropriate in the most serious of times, or maybe she’s just like that because she’s sleepy. I don’t know. It seems funny to be honest though.

                             Across the place we are hiding in is Mari, or is it Mari? We couldn’t really see her because it was dark. Humans aren’t supposed to have night-vision eyes right? And while Kanan continues to make her speech on about how much she loves Dia, I can see Mari smile faintly, mouthing a “finally”. Does Mari know about the two? Does she know that Dia will refuse Kanan?

                             Minutes have passed and Kanan then stops in her tracks, realizing how much she has said. She blushes intensely and refuses to look at Dia in the eye. Dia sighs and hugs Kanan, both knowing full well what her answer is going to be. Kanan knows that there is never going to be a ‘them’. She knows that Dia will never accept her because Kanan, for Dia, is only a friend. Kanan is just a friend, and that’s that. Dia continues to hug her but doesn’t say anything. Kanan already started to cry. The tears running down Kanan’s face are the tears of rejection, the pain building up because _she knows_ that even though if she does _anything_ for Dia. It will all be flushed down the drain.

                             Dia’s lips then met Kanan’s.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Early update! I have my Christmas program coming up later this evening and it will probably end around 9-10PM (edit: it ended at 6PM. i really overestimated that....hehe) and I'm like, "no way am i delaying this chapter". 
> 
> DID YOU LIKE THE ENDING!?!?!?!?!? I sure did!
> 
> To be honest, it was supposed to be Mari eavesdropping (along with Ruby and You) but instead of Mari saying "finally", Mari was heartbroken to hear that Kanan loves Dia because she loves Kanan. It was supposed to be more angst but.........
> 
> I didn't have time to come up with angst halfway through the story. I guess I would stick with hints of angst every now and then then fluff. I don't really know..


	20. Christmas Shopping

**December 20, 2017**

Dear Diary,

                             Dia and I are going Christmas shopping…..with Kanan and Yō-chan! It’s like a double date you know! Hehe! Although for your information, they show way more PDA than Yō-chan and I. And they kept on warning _us_ to be not so public about our relationship!

                             Though before we went shopping we, Aqours, made a little meeting and that we were going to do a ‘gift-giving’ event. Hanamaru made a box filled with papers with our names. The box went around the room with each of us picking a paper who will be the person we will be buying a gift for. Obviously we won’t show it to the others because that would ruin the surprise now wouldn’t it?

                             Dia said that before we went shopping, we should split then meet up at a place after. Our gifts must be wrapped so that it won’t be obvious who will receive it. We all accepted her terms and split to find a gift.

                             Luckily enough, I got Hanamaru. Although I may know what to buy for others but picking Hanamaru is easier, you get me? Our parents were generous enough to give me more than enough cash to buy Hanamaru her wanted gift. She always wanted a book about mystery. It didn’t cost that much either so I guess it’s a jackpot for me! I would’ve bought two different books as well but….I have another plan in mind.

                             It’s Christmas! The time of giving and the time of presents! If I was going to buy Hanamaru a gift and I have extra money to spare, I might as well buy others a gift. Most of them were plushies well, _all_ of them were plushies. I even bought myself a plushie! I bought myself a coelacanth plushie! It’s soooo comfy! It is a plushie after all, hehe!

                             Once I neared the cashier, the others were, luckily, not there. I was able to put all my gifts in a bag without them seeing what was it. Around 20 minutes after I finished buying my things, the others were at the meeting place in no time. They were surprised at how many I bought since, compared to them, I had way more load than them. They told me that whoever I picked was very lucky to have so many gifts. Ohoho….little do they know…little do they know…

                             To wrap things up, Aqours’ Christmas party will be held on the 26th, a day after Christmas since we all wanted to spend time with our families on Christmas day itself. After all, even though Aqours exists, our family does as well!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Can you believe that the title of the chapter actually makes sense? I mean, not like the other chapter titles never made sense but there's a difference when the title basically sums up the whole chapter than when it only sums up the first few paragraphs.
> 
> Family exists as well you know. xDD


	21. Blank

**December 21, 2017**

Dear Diary,

                             It’s almost Saturday! For some reason, Saturday nearing seems exciting for me. And also, quick note, I have no stories to share. Surprising I know, but my mind seems _blank_ if you know what I mean. If you don’t, just check the chapter title, you’ll understand it. Wait, chapter title? I meant the diary’s entry title. I don’t know why I wrote chapter title but I’m too lazy to erase it so I guess I have to deal with it now.

                             It’s ironic how its named blank yet you’re reading something right now. Like, that defies the whole point of ‘blank’. Who even made that title anyway? Oh wait. It’s me. Sorry, I’m kind of tired. I made the habit of writing these either early in the morning, or late in the evening. I should be sleeping by now....but I played Roblox with Hanamaru earlier. People say Roblox is for children, the person writing this disagrees. I used third person? Huh? I guess I really am tired, referring to myself as ‘the person’.

                             And did you know, I don’t really speak so _formally_. Isn’t that Dia’s thing? WHY IS THIS ONLY 200 WORDS WHAT IS THIS——Sorry, a typo happened—typo? That’s it, I’m sleeping now.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey! So I couldn't find a good story to put for plot so why not add a little humor there? Breaking the fourth wall and all...
> 
>  
> 
> (do any of you know the pain of constructing an outline and when you finally start writing it, it all falls apart. like words _why_ , i worked so hard for that and then you fail me.
> 
> also, the pain of creating an au then suddenly realizing how bad the plot is but you spent two months making it so you try it out anyway, hoping that it will work in the end)


	22. Snow Halation

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Before the day ends, here is a tribute for 'Snow Halation'!!
> 
> ###  _TODOKETE SETSUNASA NI WA_
> 
> ##  _NAMAE WO TSUKEYOU KA_
> 
> #  **_SNOW HALATION_**

**December 22, 2017**

Dear Diary,

                             Chika invited us all to her _“humble abode”_ for a sleepover. But I think it’s more of a “let’s watch lives of μ’s till the crack of dawn and try not to sleep” sleepover. Anyhow, Dia and I were on our way there when my sister suddenly nudged me. I flinched but she showed me that today is _Snow Halation’s release date_! I was surprised when it has been 7 years since it was released. That was a pretty long time ago, considering how μ’s popularity now and then have decreased because of the past Love Live! competitions. Even then, μ’s still lives in each and every one of our hearts.

                             And so we knocked on the door, was let in, and was immediately ushered to the bedroom. It wasn’t that big and Dia doubted that it could fit all of us but Chika, being the optimist she usually is, gave us a smile and reassured us that we’ll all fit and if we don’t, we’ll find a way. Luckily, we all fit and no discomfort was felt that silent night of December.

                             Since I said that we fit, we actually slept or at least, some of us did (Riko, Yō, Kanan, Hanamaru, and Mari) while the others were still hyper. Yoshiko was apparently still awake because she usually live streams at this time of night and oddly enough Hanamaru slept, despite liking μ’s as well. Oh well, I guess it’s only going to be Chika, Dia, and me enjoying this session. It was surprising as well since Dia doesn’t really prefer to stay up late if you know what I’m saying. She’d rather sleep early but since we have a break tomorrow, she didn’t really care. I never knew Dia could be rebellious. But to be honest, I knew, I just didn’t see this side of her often.

                             The others woke up around 5AM — 10AM with Kanan waking up the earliest and Hanamaru waking up the latest. She didn’t wake up late because she was lazy though, she said she was genuinely tired before getting there which is why she slept earlier. We then continued to watch more μ’s lives as a group before, according to the others, dozed off. Yoshiko was still awake, proudly stating that she was “used to this environment and doesn’t require any need for rest since only mortals do such a thing”.

                             And that concludes the sleepover! Though I did find it cute how Yō let me rest on her lap in the morning and same thing happened to Kanan and Dia but I vaguely remember that Dia doing the same thing for her. I found it cute! Then it started snowing and Chika started to sing _Snow Halation_ for fun to which we all sang along to (the others know this because this song is a fundamental piece of work for μ’s to succeed so Chika kept on playing it to the point where we can sing it flawlessly).


	23. I Love You

**December 23, 2017**

Dear Diary,

                             I haven’t been spending too much time with Yō-chan lately. With so many stuff coming up, it’s hard to reserve time for the people you love. Speaking of so many things coming up, our live will be tomorrow! I’m really excited! The costumes are so cute as well!

                             Anyway, getting back to topic, I dialed Yō-chan and asked her if she could come over to which she did. We spent the night binge watching several seasons of various TV shows. We were also getting hungry so I prepared popcorn, it wasn’t the best thing to fill our stomachs with but it’ll do. Yō-chan was being really sweet as well, it was to be expected since she loves me but still, it gets my heart beating faster than usual.

                             We had our first kiss earlier. It was pure bliss. She wasn’t the one who started it though, it was me. Hehe~ I couldn’t hold it in, she looked so dazzling, so pretty, her eyes that bore straight into mine. I couldn’t resist, so I pulled her in and she didn’t hesitate. I don’t want to describe it in full detail because just in case someone else reads this they wouldn’t think our relationship’s base is just kissing and the like.

                             I really enjoyed it to be honest, her lips against mine. It was magical. I entered heaven and I wished I could stay there till the end of time but….it’s not happening. I’ll enter it next time, maybe later? I don’t know, Yō-chan’s already asleep. LAST MAN STANDING!! It was never a competition but I made it into one. Hmmm….

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hehe


	24. Getting Ready

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> my god  
> that title can be interpreted as something wayyyyyy too lewd  
> ummm
> 
> CLEAN THOUGHTS CLEAN THOUGHTS

**December 24, 2017**

Dear Diary,

                             I’m at the place we agreed where we will hold our Christmas party at. Since we’ll be busy tomorrow, we decided to prepare today. It wouldn’t really _surprise_ surprise us if we went there as nine. Because of that, Dia and I decided to prepare the party ourselves. It was pretty exhausting, setting up a whole room. After all, the only set of hands that will help you is just one pair. Other than that, you’re on your own. Now that’s a weird description of what we did.

                             There wasn’t many Christmas decors since we were more focused on other things than just simply appealing the occupants. So to speak, we just prepared most of the activities we might do then the tables and the like. At the end of it, Dia was still pretty active. Do I really have that little stamina? Dia said no since I probably was tired from the day before, which might be true.

                             Once we finished, Chika suddenly asked us to go to her place to which we all did. She wanted us to spend Christmas Eve together and we did. It was awesome! Yō and I played with the snow and even initiated a snowball between each other and a few minutes later, we started hitting the others. We all had a small game of snowballing one another and it was fun. It was cold, but fun.

                             This day was incredible to be honest. I had so much fun. It’s not like I haven’t had this much fun before but you get the point right? I’m really glad to have friends like them. And I’m really lucky to be dating someone like Yō. I love her soooo much, and nothing would break us apart. And even if there is something that would do so, we would just go back together again.


	25. Merry Christmas!

**December 25, 2017**

Dear Diary,

                             Merry Christmas! Our parents had a small party for the family today! Dia and I were very happy and also, they gave us gifts as well! We both got things we asked for to which we are very thankful! I hope you’re having a wonderful Christmas as well!

                             Yō’s father came back for Christmas and Yō was really happy for it. They went out to the sea, Yō said. Her mother and father spent time together, the time that they missed. And Yō on the other hand, after her parents spent their time together, Yō’s father started to teach her more things about being a sailor and Yō was very interested since, well it’s very obvious that she loves her dad (and her mom) so much. And spending time with her father isn’t something she can get everyday.

                             Anyway, some of our relatives came and to summarize the whole day, it was very fun! There wasn’t any gift-giving because seeing each other was one of the best gifts we could, at present, ask for.

                             Merry Christmas again!!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> #  **MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!!**


	26. Aqours Exchange

**December 26, 2017**

Dear Diary,

                             We all had fun yesterday with our families, now it’s time to have fun with each other today! It was, and though it sounds odd, twice as fun as the party we had yesterday! Of course, I’m not saying yesterday’s party was boring but maybe that’s what you feel when you really want to hang out with your friends huh?

                             Once everyone was here, we all suddenly became very giddy. I was surprised when Dia was oddly giddy as well! I was wondering what happened to her, since she doesn’t really get that excited. Maybe she does, maybe I just forgot. Tehee~

                             Yō-chan was adorable, as always! Before, I would probably not admit that but, it was amusing when I did. She wouldn’t stop fidgeting, and I say that in a good way. She wasn’t nervous or anything, just embarrassed that her awesome girlfriend was complimenting her so loudly. After all, I bet everyone heard me telling Yō-chan how cute she looked in that outfit. But I’m not lying, I am serious, she was really cute!

                             Then came the secret Santa thing we prepared. I had mine in a huge bag so that no one would suspect my generous act! Though….like I said, Hanamaru’s gift is also a lot. I wouldn’t call it _a lot_ but it seems a lot so I’ll call it a lot.

                             Yō-chan went first because she volunteered, she picked Chika. We were all laughing at her gift since it shows how much she really knows Chika. Long story short, Yō-chan bought a mikan pillow for Chika. She liked it as well! After that, it was Chika’s turn to give her gift. She went to Yoshiko, grinned, scratched her head, and hesitantly gave her gift. Yoshiko was confused but when she opened it, she was smiling as well. Chika bought her a tripod or something? Like what some people use to extend their camera out when they’re taking a photo, could be for a video as well. Chika was overjoyed that Yoshiko didn’t find her gift _weird_.

                             Once it was Yoshiko’s turn, she went to Riko. Her gift looked like it was a book of some sort. It was similar to mine but I didn’t mind the wrapping. Riko refused to elaborate what gift she got and we know it’s something embarrassing for her to admit because she immediately covered it and sent Yoshiko a glare. I think she mouthed the words, “ _how did you know?”_. It was really interesting and since Yoshiko is Yoshiko, she said, “I just do”. And it only served to heighten our confusion.

                             Riko then gave her gift and she chose me! I happily accepted her gift and it looked like a plushie? I opened it and THERE WAS A COELACANTH!! SHE GAVE ME A COELACANTH PLUSHIE! I bit my lip to stop myself from screaming and it might looked rude but I know Riko wouldn’t take offense because I hugged it right after I received it. I gave my gift to Hanamaru and she was obviously surprised.

                             And because I was tired, I skipped the others. The author is terribly sorry for the inconvenience. And this time, Ruby will not acknowledge the fourth wall break.

                             I’m joking, anyway, Hanamaru gave her gift to Kanan, and it was some diving equipment. We were surprised how she was able to get her hands on such things, considering they were quite expensive. She said that she found a store that sold things like that at a reasonable price, for a limited time only. Kanan gave her gift to Mari, whom she threw her gift at, it was a pillow. She told her that she gave her a pillow because Mari apparently “lost most of the fluffiness in her pillows because of the countless pillow fights they had”. So Kanan gifted her a pillow so that she has one to use if ever they have a pillow fight.

                             Mari picked Dia and she gave Dia a pillow too. Kanan burst into laughter at Mari’s splendid design of the pillow case. On it was Dia’s face everywhere, we all had to keep our giggles in because we didn’t want to die you know?

                             Dia eventually was able to give Yō-chan her present which was…….a book filled with me. Are you serious Dia? Yō-chan apparently requested for it….hmm….Yō-chan, you could always just ask me for things like those….. I almost forgot to distribute my gifts but I ended up doing it anyway, thankfully. They were all surprised that I had extra gifts. Cue Dia going, “no wonder you had that huge bag”. And the party ended on a high note, and for that, I am glad.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> that note of me not wanting to write the other characters giving gifts to the others was really true
> 
> but only now i realized that if i didnt, ruby would probably not get her gift or at least, it wouldnt have been read
> 
> lol


	27. Date

**December 27, 2017**

Dear Diary,

                             Yō-chan asked me out today you know? She wanted us to spend time together then she leaned in and whispered, “ _because I’m got jealous you spent time with Kanan that time and not me”_. I laughed, since I was just helping Kanan sort her feelings out. I kissed Yō-chan and the girl blushed. I found it cute.

                             So she took me out to the movies, apparently there was one that she absolutely loved but she wanted to watch it with me, and we did. Almost the whole day I was outside with her, and nothing has been ruining my mood so far. Though Yō-chan looked a bit sad and it became more evident as the hours passed. Was there something on her mind? If it’s about school, we won’t part till March.

                             Once we arrived back at my place, she told me that she wouldn’t be able to enroll into Uranohoshi next school year since her father found a nice job somewhere abroad and it would be best if the whole family came along. I was shocked, is Yō going to break up with me? I prepared myself for those words but Yō continued to hold my hand. She told me that as much as she wants to be with me, she can’t. She’s scared, she’s scared that I’ll find someone new, she’s scared that she might find someone new. She’s scared that we probably can’t sustain a long distance relationship.

                             For the past weeks she has been nothing but kind for me, ever since we’ve been together, she hasn’t left my side. I told her that I won’t find someone new, if _she_ doesn’t find someone new. I told her that I trust her that we’ll be able to handle it. We won’t break up and we’ll stay together. I guess that’s true love? Or maybe I’m mistaken, but for me, as long as you stay faithful to your partner and they stay faithful to you when times get tough it’s true, when they are always ready to give you a reality check when you’re losing your mind, when they’re always going to be there for you no matter what happens. That, for me, that’s true love.


	28. Parents

**December 28, 2017**

Dear Diary,

                             My parents asked me if I had time to talk to them today. I felt so nervous. Eventually I went to them and hesitantly asked them what they wanted to talk about. They wanted to talk about why Yō-chan and I are acting as if we were in a relationship even though we were only _friends_. Unless, they said, we _were_ actually in a relationship. And here I am, shaking because I knew I was going to be scolded on how I am not supposed to be dating people of the same gender.

                             Things don’t always go as planned. My parents just told me that although it may seem odd for others, but they don’t care who I choose to spend the rest of my life with, as long as we are able to provide them grandchildren (which is impossible already so I guess we can adopt?) to which my dad and I giggled.

                             I have never felt so happy before, it’s really pressuring to be someone liking people of your own gender since it’s been established since the beginning that you’re supposed to like the opposite sex. I’m glad that out of everyone I know, my parents agree that it’s not weird. I asked them how did they become suspicious, apparently, Dia admitted to it a few days ago and they assumed that if Dia might be a lesbian, I might be one as well. Parents really do make good assumptions huh?

                            

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know it's near the end of the story, but I'll do all my mushy and emotional talk at the last chapter. Hehe, thanks for everything else though!
> 
> Though once this is over, I'll fully focus on 'From the Dirt'.


	29. The Sky Clears

**December 29, 2017**

Dear Diary,

                             Yō-chan announced her ‘moving’ when she becomes a third year. Chika looked sad. I guess I can relate, but maybe it hit her harder. She was just moving yet she was already ready to cry. I can probably understand her, being friends with someone for so long and having them by your side for so long only for them to then leave you soon would really hurt. Yō-chan told her that it’s okay and that she’ll try to visit time to time.

                             She glanced at Riko as well, telling her that she **_must_** take care of Chika so that she doesn’t embarrass herself in public places though the look on Riko’s face after she gave Yō-chan and stare said that, “ _but she always embarrasses herself”_. Yō-chan nodded, agreeing to what Riko said, that she somehow understood. Telepathy?

                             The others weren’t moved to near tears like Chika, but Yō-chan could see that they would be sad when she left. Her moving also eliminates into becoming pro idols because if she stays where she is going to go, unless we all go there as well, it’s nearly impossible to do things.

                             Yō-chan and I didn’t have to talk about anything about it anymore since we already touched upon the subject. Yō-chan might be leaving physically, but she’ll always be right beside me. She promised me that, and I know she’s not one to break her word.


	30. Together

**December 30, 2017**

Dear Diary,

                             Before the year ends, we all wanted to hang out for the last time that year. Of course we’re still going to hang out next year, but…you probably understood context didn’t you? Ehehe…

                             Yet again, our families want to spend time with each other on New Years’ Eve. On New Years itself though, we’ll all be free. We probably might go somewhere next Monday. And seriously? A Monday? Couldn’t the year have started anywhere better? Like….Friday or Saturday maybe? It’s disappointing but it is still the New Years! That doesn’t mean that the day is as bad as it is…right? I don’t really know. I might be good at academics and all that, but that doesn’t mean that I can relate to other students not liking to wake up early in the morning.

                             And so we all met up at the school’s gate, and I think Dia was a bit irritated how we didn’t have a plan and how Mari was late in arriving. THEN she appeared with one of her ‘private vehicles’ and apparently, to Dia’s relief, she HAS a plan. Although as soon as she said that she HAD a plan, Dia sighed again. Kanan understood exactly what Dia was saying. “You always come up with the weirdest ideas.” But Kanan gave Dia a peck on the cheek and she instantly blushed. I found it adorable so I did the same to Yō-chan.

                             After we did that ‘act’, Riko and Chika followed. What surprised us was that it was Riko who kissed Chika, not the other way around. Mari teased her that Riko was quite bold. Riko told her that she learned it from her. Dia and Kanan giggled a bit, seeing Mari’s face after being ‘exposed’ was priceless, and of course, being the friends that they are, they relished in that moment.

                             We ended up going to multiple places and it was absolutely breath taking! Yō-chan decided to be sentimental and told me, privately, that soon she’ll not see these sights anymore. I hit her on the shoulder, scolding her that “not isn’t the right time to be thinking about that”. She smirked and she kissed me, we both enjoyed it to the maximum extent until Yoshiko’s voice that was teasing us brought us back. THEY WERE WATCHING US?!?!? COULD YOU BELIEVE THAT!?!

                            It was very humiliating but, in the end, it was the moment itself that we will cherish. That was all that counted.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> S2 is ending today. T.T
> 
> It's so sad...


	31. An End, A New Beginning

**December 31, 2017**

Dear Diary,

                             Turns out, our family held the party earlier and it ended early as well. My parents had to go to a meeting which was way more important than spending time with family, it irked Dia and I a bit but we couldn’t do anything. Dia suggested that I call Yō-chan to see if she’s free. She was so confident as well, it was as if she knew that Yō-chan doesn’t have any plans that day. Kanan was free, according to her. Dia happily exit our home, obviously heading towards where her girlfriend is. If she was so confident that Yō-chan had no plans, then I might as well call her.

                             I dialed her number and waited for her to pick up. When she answered, it seemed as if her voice was near. I opened the door and there she was, all dressed and everything. I gave her a quick kiss and went outside. We decided to walk around until we noticed how it has started to grow dark. Fireworks then lighted up our way every second. Honestly? I found it romantic. Isn’t it nice? Since we were sitting on a bench, I cuddled beside her and Yō-chan did the same thing. It was completely fascinating. To see the fireworks go high into the sky that sometimes it looked like it was over the sea, then BOOM! The light temporarily blinds us but we can see it slowly falling.

——

Ruby and Yō watched the fireworks as each rose to the sky and fell after their magnificent display. It may hurt the ears, but nevertheless, it was a pleasant sight. It was a perfect way to end the year. At times Ruby would flinch at the loud sounds but Yō always reassured her that everything was fine. They each wondered what the others were up to, were Chika and Riko having a fun time? Were Kanan and Dia doing anything……….. _naughty?_

“Yō-chan,” Ruby said, calling her girlfriend’s attention. Before, calling Yō the way she calls her now was just a sign of them being close friends. Now, every time Ruby says it, there was always a touch of genuine happiness in it. It made Yō’s heart always skip a beat, oh how she is lucky to have such an adorable girlfriend like Ruby. “Yō-chan?”

“Hm?”

“Were you thinking of something?”

“Nothing really.” Yō glanced at her watch. “It’s getting pretty late actually.”

“I guess it is…” Ruby let out a sigh of relief, leaning against Yō. “This is pretty romantic.”

“You’ve said that for the 5th time tonight.”

Ruby chuckled, even though Yō pretended to be not amused at her comment, she did take her time to count how many times Ruby said that.

“You counted how many times I said it. You’re so adorable Yō-chan.”

“E-E-Eh? N-No.. I just happened to take notice of how many times you said it!”

“You’re still adorable, you know that?”

Yō nodded and gave Ruby a kiss, surprising the younger girl. “Yes, I know that.”

They interlaced their fingers and embraced the silence of their surroundings, leaving only the fireworks to wreck the peaceful atmosphere. Regardless, it was something to be amazed at.

Fireworks, Ruby thought, is like a failed relationship. At the start, you soar to the sky, you two enjoy the happy, love-filled feeling going around. But there are times when you fight, and like everything, it has a limit. You stop in your ascent to the heavens and explode into tiny sparks. Sparks that were filled with what was once happy, and slowly, but surely, the sparks fade away. It’s like nothing has ever existed in the first place.

What a bittersweet description to add to such a thing huh? But Ruby doesn’t pay it no mind, bittersweet or not, it fits perfectly. Fireworks are also surprises you know. If you aren’t paying attention, its loud _BANG!_ could throw you off-guard. It’s just like the realization that your relationship is failing, it catches you off-guard; though there are times where you know it might surprise you and you brace for it, but it still ends up with you flinching, even just a little bit. You expected your relationship to fail, you put up so many barriers to keep yourself from getting hurts, but no barrier can block the pain of your partner leaving you.

“Ruby….chan?”

“Hm?”

“You’re crying… Is everything alright?”

Ruby touched her cheek, only to realize it has been stained by tears. “Nothing’s wrong Yō-chan, just remembering what should be forgotten.”

Though fireworks may seem like a failed relationship, it can also signify the end of a once blossoming one.

You rise high into the sky and hope for the best. You don’t want to fall, but you realize that not all things are meant to be. Even though both of you know that the end is near, you decide to spend your last moments with them in a happy moment. You explode, but unlike the other, you release your chains, you’re free. The explosion doesn’t mean that everything will crumble, it can also mean the end of suffering.

Yeah, that’s a nice description.

_A firework is like a relationship that didn’t work out in the end. Once you started, you thought everything’s going to be fine. But that was the time you knew everything was going to go downhill, fights are a regular thing to do, screams are heard through the empty halls, and hurtful words bounce off of each other every day. And then, one day, someone finally breaks. That’s when the firework explodes, as beautiful as it may seem, it lacks the color that it once had. All you see is sparks falling to the ground, slowly fading away. Removing the very existence of what once was alive._

_A firework is also like a relationship that didn’t work out in the end, but still tried to do their best. Once you started, you enjoyed the benefits that came with having a partner. But then, arguments happened, misunderstandings happened, then, someone reached their limit. Though unlike the other one, they decided that even though this is going to be inevitable, they are still going to do their best to amend what was broken. To repair what was destroyed. But still, they knew this end was inevitable, and allowed themselves to explode. Though their explosion was filled with so much color, and when the sparks hit the ground, memories of what once existed was buried into it._

_It depends on how you want to see it. It depends on how you want it to work out, will you try even though you’re running out of hope? Or will you give up, before the war has even begun?_

 

Ruby soon was snapped back into reality, her thoughts now no longer consuming her.

She looked at her watch: **12AM**.

Glancing at Yō, she saw her girlfriend still awake, much to her relief.

“Hey Yō-chan…” Ruby twiddled with her fingers a bit, it reminded her of when she called Yō when she was going to answer her confession.

“Hm?”

In a quick motion, Ruby pulled Yō closer for a kiss. A kiss that lasted longer than it should’ve, but none of them complained.

A firework appeared to explode above them.

They stopped, looked at each other’s eyes.

“Ruby-chan.” “Yō-chan.”

“ **Happy New Year.** ”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA IT'S NEW YEAR! 
> 
> Happy New Year everyone! Thanks for following my story from start to end. Whether you were here from the start, joined at some point, or binge-read everything up to here. I thank all of you from the very bottom of my heart for allowing me to write this story from its start to end!
> 
> Although there were some delays and there were times where the chapters were incredibly short or at times riddled with errors (i should really try to edit soon), I'm glad people still enjoyed it! There is nothing that makes me happier than seeing that people enjoy the works I've written! It makes me quite sad that it's ending, though that only means that my journey has just begun.
> 
> For now, the main series of this story has ended. I have plans having ANOTHER sequel but at the moment, I'll focus on other things. I'm really happy that I saw the end of this, considering how long I've wanted to make a work using diary format. 
> 
> Before, I never knew people would at times flock to my stories since I usually get around 100~ hits per story I make. Unless I get lucky I can get more but it sticks to that for some time. 
> 
> Once I realized that [What I Lacked, She Had] has surpassed 800+ hits. I was ecstatic! I was so surprised that I think I forgot to thank the people who made my small dream become reality! Then I made this story, I was expecting it to at least hit 1000~ hits since the prequel did good. If I kept up my momentum, at this rate, I would definitely surpass it. And you know what? I did!
> 
> I'm very thankful (I think I repeated that too many times, but I'm being 100% sincere)! Now, we're halfway to 2000 hits which is surprising! I expected 1000+ hits but never this high! 
> 
> I also want to thank all the ones who commented on my story such as Furinjuru, UnderMyReign, ughnozomi, Little_sunshine_witch_LIVE, RHTMK, velv_tte(especially this person right here). Your comments made me realize how people still are interested since I usually think they are not. 
> 
> To everyone else who left a kudos! You know who you are! I thank you just as much as I thanked the ones mentioned earlier since you made me know that people like what I've written! It's a nice reassurance!
> 
> Now that the story's ending, I really wanted to divert to my original writing format. I did, and I hope I didn't disappoint! I think I really did good on that one, so I hope my efforts weren't put to waste!
> 
> Like the chapter title says, [An End, A New Beginning]. Who knows? I hinted it already but I could have a sequel [if anyone wants of course since I don't want to pursue an idea no one would might not want in the end]. I have many works that I want to do first so even though I said this earlier, the potential sequel will be put on hold.
> 
> And again, I'm VERYYYYYYYY thankful for everyone who supported this! I know it might take some time before I can get this amount of support on another one of my works but the fact that I have achieved it once tells me that I can do it again! 
> 
> I hope to see you all next time! Thanks for sticking around and a happy New Year to you!
> 
> See ya!
> 
> Aethuran_KR
> 
> (it'll really be hard not to think about this now...)


End file.
